Good Dog

My family recently grew from 4 to 5. Right around the time when all the experts tell you not to do it. Christmas time. Yeah, we upsized right during the most hectic time of the year. But I only did it because they say dogs lower your blood pressure and I thought I'd need that during the holidays. And I was kind of running out of good gift ideas....for myself. 

I've been wanting a dog more than anyone else in the family, really. It has been 7 years since we lost our Greyhound, Mimi and I was ready for some four legged companionship. And I thought a dog would be great for the boys. The kids were actually rallying for a cat. But since I'm super allergic and I was doing all the research, we got what I wanted. Someone to cuddle with, who doesn't talk back, and who'd play with the boys when I was too lazy....ahem, tired. 

Turns out, it's not so easy to give a "down on it's luck" homeless dog a loving home. I tried the online resources first, and holy investment! Plus you need to fill out an adoption application that's fairly extensive....ie: Do I ever leave my house for more than two hours at a time? Do I have a fenced in yard made of a soft squishy material that will visually stimulate the puppy's want to stay within the fence and not make them feel like a prisoner? Do I make my own organic puppy food, and have I petitioned the USDA with the correct paperwork so that I can do so? Will I promise to lovingly take the dog for three mile hikes daily as part of our morning exercise routine being sure that he/she wears the protective puppy boots, followed by an afternoon siesta in an orthopedic self heating appropriately sized pet settee. Am I willing to bathe the puppy in organically grown lavendar essential oils in order to create a calming atmosphere? By the time you fake your way through that, the puppy has been adopted.

So I went the American route and I had one imported for pretty cheap. From Aruba. The only requirement being a reference from someone who doesn't even own a dog but thinks I'm swell. She knew someone, who knew someone, who had a contact, and I merely had to come up with the $125 cash and directly deposit it to an off-shore account. Turns out dogs are just running free in Aruba. When you ship them up to CT in the middle of the winter, they even come with a sweater, which sweetened the deal. 

The 4 year old chose to name her Stump. Which we all thought was delightful, but settled on Rosie instead. The 7 year old made the final declaration that her full name would be Rosalina Stump Brenek. And so it is. The family discussed it, and divvied up the chores: the 4 year old would feed the dog, the 7 year old would take her for walks, and the husband would be in charge of "yard clean-up". So naturally when I do all of these chores myself, Rosie and I bond and puppy loves me best, and then no one can understand why.

$125 is a real bargain and only a tease of what your real costs of owning a puppy who must be vaccinated, boostered, checked for worms via a hand picked fecal sample (twice), dewormed, de-fleed, spayed, fed, appropriately outfitted with collars, leads, leashes, pet beds and crates. We've just started filling out the paperwork for a bank loan. 

For those of you looking to adopt, the first big perk is that you get to be completely in tune to the puppy's elimination habits! This ensures not only successful housebreaking, but also good neighboring. Unfortunately for my neighbors, the tiny plastic bag roll has become a real fixture in our junk drawer. Because I refuse to be seen in public scooping up my dog's crap with only a plastic bag between it and my hand.  My usual reaction is to look horrified if my dog poops in someone's yard and to loudly say to the dog "Gosh darnit I forgot my plastic bags!" and then scurry away sheepishly. But to my great pleasure, Rosie seems to only want to poop in the privacy of her back yard. I think her embarrassment of having people watch her poop is as strong as mine at having to not only watch her poop but then pick it up and carry it along with us on our jaunt. Smart dog. Plus, it allows me to pooper scoop in a place safely hidden from the papparazzi.

Lesson two: Imperative to owning a dog, says Cesar Millan, Dog Whisperer extraordinaire, is showing the dog who's the alpha of the pack. This merely means controlling where and when your dog poops, pees, eats, sleeps and plays. But beware, all of your hard work is erased if you do something sentimental like let your dog hop on the couch just once to cuddle with you, while you share Cheetos and watch TV, which results in puppy magically becoming Queen Of Everything. You must start the decrowning process immediately! Otherwise, soon she'll be piddling on the rug, chewing on the furniture, and biting the mailman. It can all be traced back to alpha status.

Let's say you're not quite alpha material and a pee pee accident does happen...a complete decontamination process must begin so that puppy's nose doesn't mistake your dining room floor for an acceptable bathroom. This requires an investment in industrial strength enzyme cleaners labeled to remove feces, urine and vomit. Oh joy. 

So although I'm left to do all the chores for the dog that was my gift to myself (honestly, it seems only right), I am rewarded with Alpha status. And this alpha is a tough cookie! I never let her sit on the couch (when anyone else is home). She is only allowed to have a few (hundred) treats a day.  And the back yard is always pooper scooped promptly (after someone steps on a land mine). 

(In all honesty, we adopted Rosie from a wonderful and reputable rescue organization called ARF. Please check them out if you're interested. I've attached a news article with a link at the bottom: http://aruba-daily.com/newspaper/?p=11027)