Spring Fashion Statement

Neat, crisp linen suits, in pastel; adorable flowery dresses. Cute pink handbags with even cuter matching pink, strappy sandals; all the things a proper spring wardrobe is made of.

Every year I’ll decide that this will be the year I’ll embody that fresh, spring look which can currently be seen splayed across the covers of every fashion magazine available. I’ll delight in the notion that this year daffodils and lilies will glare at me with jealousy, muttering dark things to each other about how I’ve upstaged them.

Yeah, right. While the flowers are starting to bud and birds beginning to sing, I’m still wearing hoodies, leggings, and short suede boots—in black. The purse I’m carrying looks far more like an old, tired book bag than anything that even remotely resembles a dainty designer clutch. Don’t even talk to me about my nails.

Nothing says “bridge troll” quite like the look I sometimes end up putting forth this time of year. I can get by like this—pretty much unscathed—in the dead of winter, but once spring peeks its perky, little perfectionist head out of the dirty, melting snow, I’m doomed. This is the season where looking like I just rolled off the couch leaves me looking like not only did I just roll off the couch, but that I’m also a dirt farmer who’s couch sits in a dilapidated barn.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have some mighty adorable spring outfits tucked into the deep dark depths of my closet—only most of them date back more years than I care to admit. So if I dig any of them out to wear, I will more than likely be committing an insidious fashion faux pas and be instantly put under arrest by the spring fashion police.

Of course, I could go shopping and buy new stuff to avoid a rap sheet, but that would mean I would actually have to shop, and I loathe clothes shopping—especially for a spring wardrobe. It also doesn’t help that clothing manufacturers think that every female who buys clothes falls into one of three categories.

It seems there are only three basic choices these days, in regards to women’s fashion. The first choice is that of the “younger set” whose current trend is to dress themselves in things that appear to be three sizes too small. If I throw the stuff from the back of my closet into the dryer for a really long time, I could almost achieve that very same look. The second choice is that of the “business professional” and dressing to look like I want to spend my day sitting around looking uptight, in an office full of fluorescent lights, is not my thing. Seemingly, the only other choice left is that of the “old lady look.” Not going there; even when I do become an old lady.  And in the spring, I might add, all three categories are mostly only available in pastels; I don’t know about you, but I’ve never personally felt the need to dress like an Easter egg.  

So instead of spending countless, unproductive hours shopping—when I could be out enjoying the beautiful spring weather—I will resign myself to simply wearing whatever I wear; even if the seasonal flowers do smirk and snicker at me as I walk by, while whispering amongst themselves that I look like a prime candidate for the show “What Not to Wear.”