HURRY IN AND SAVE 20% OFF, STOREWIDE!!!!

     Recently, I received a 20% OFF STOREWIDE coupon in the mail. Of course, it’s one of many that you, I, and everyone else on the face of the planet—and a few select beings from outer space—get this time of year. In case you happen to be completely in the dark about the true meaning of what is meant by a "STOREWIDE" coupon, allow me to explain:

     A “STOREWIDE” coupon excludes anything that is already on sale, anything that’s discounted, miscounted, or near the front of the store. Anything near the back of the store isn’t included either; including—but not limited to—anything between the front and the back of the store. Any item that any of that store’s competitors sell for a higher—or lower price—is excluded. Stuff that you absolutely had your heart set on getting, specifically with that coupon, is most certainly excluded. Stuff you didn’t know you needed but decided you did once you saw it in the store – also excluded.  Valid only in the state of shopping confusion.  All taxes, mysteriously added higher prices, and standing in long lines to find all this out still apply. See store manager for additional details.

Bonnie Daly is the author of Christmas Madness, Mayhem, & Mall Santas available through Amazon, on Kindle, and also at the Monte Cristo Bookshop in downtown New London.