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Does Husbands "R" Us Give Refunds? - The Case of the Chainsaw-Wielding Grizzly

A humorous blog about the curious things husbands do, and the "joys" of being married, from a wife's perspective.



                           A Chainsaw-Wielding Grizzly, on a Trampoline

 

The above title pretty much describes what my husband Tim is at night when he’s sleeping.
Read that last part again; when he’s sleeping. I, on the other hand, am not
sleeping, as I lie awake listening to the creepy, guttural sounds emanating

from the man next to me. It’s the kind of noise that no one should ever have to
listen to, at any time, never mind the sacred hours of the middle of the night.
Even if by some miracle—or heavy duty earplugs—I could sleep through that
ruckus, I certainly wouldn’t catch a wink with all the twisting, turning, and somersaulting that takes place.

He used to be in total denial until one day when we recorded him taking a nap. Only bears
that moonlight as lumberjacks have the ability to make the kind of noises Tim
does when he snores. I realize that holding a pillow over his face probably isn’t my best choice, so I wake him and ask him to stop. That works for about three seconds till he’s back asleep.

As if the snoring isn’t bad enough, there’s his trampoline act. He flings himself with
wild abandon all over the bed, performing moves even the Flying Zucchini
Brothers would be envious of. If we had bigger springs on the bed, I swear he’d
end up bouncing off the ceiling; or through it...

Finally, I’ll give up all hope and go camp out on the couch—far away from the carnival
going on upstairs—to try and get some actual peace (notice how nice I am that I
don’t make the circus star go down there instead). What happens in the morning?
Does the fact that I let him continue sleeping on the bed—while I slept on the
couch, so as not to disturb him—matter at all? No. He actually tries to give me a guilt trip for “abandoning him” in the night. Typical Tim maneuver. What—does he need me to protect him at night? Isn’t he forgetting, after all, that he’s a grizzly with a chainsaw?

Thomas Cornick July 10, 2012 at 01:15 pm
Sleep-disordered breathing is associated with an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, stroke, high blood pressure, arrhythmias, diabetes, and sleep deprived driving accidents and a significant increase in cancer mortality due to tumor promoting angiogenesis.
So you may not be on the couch as long as you fear.
Greg Bryant July 12, 2012 at 11:35 am
So you ask him to stop, Hmmmmm does that make sense snoring is not a voluntary or choice actvity. Seems that you as many wives just wish to change the man you married. Why not be happy with your choice. Is he complaining about you in the on line blogs for entertainmant? I expect not. Where is the respect? If there was a blog here bashing wives the women would be up in arms.
Bonnie Daly July 12, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Greg, I'm truly sorry if you cannot see this blog post for what it is; it's lighthearted humor, pure and simple. Luckily, the man I married has an excellent sense of humor and I wouldn't change a thing about him. This blog isn't about "bashing" or "complaining" it's about being able to laugh about things that we all do, and can relate to. It's about not taking ourselves so seriously. If you were to ask my husband personally, you'd find out he's one of my biggest supporters, and laughs harder than anyone when he reads them.
Greg Bryant July 12, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Bonnie, The point is that we as humans often say in jest what we truely feel. So does the snoring bother you or not?
Bonnie Daly July 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Greg, part of having a sense of humor is taking an imperfect situation and seeing the lighter side of it; it makes the world a less stressful place. I wouldn't think I'd have to tell you that It's hard for anyone who tries to sleep with someone who snores.
Think Positive July 12, 2012 at 01:12 pm
I think Greg should post something private and potentially embarassing about you, so he too can have a laugh!!! Then we can all see how much of a sense of humor you have!!!!
Emily Kendall July 12, 2012 at 02:01 pm
It appears from the response you pen that you are somewhat the uptight one in this circumstance.
Bonnie Daly July 12, 2012 at 02:05 pm
Not at all, but of course, you're welcome to your opinion. :)
Bonnie Daly July 12, 2012 at 02:26 pm
And btw, my husband and I always joke with each other. He's more than welcome to reveal my "potentially embarrassing" side if he wished to do so. Probably no one would laugh harder than I would about it.
mystmom July 12, 2012 at 03:15 pm
Having a "snorer" husband myself, I can relate. My husband and I laughed out loud when we read this! Humor definitely helps when you are lacking sleep; that and lots of naps!
Bonnie Daly July 12, 2012 at 03:21 pm
Thanks, mystmom...very glad that you and your husband enjoyed it. :)
Tim Daly July 12, 2012 at 04:53 pm
Oh the nerve!! I dedicate my whole life to this woman, and this is how she repays me.
Actually, I nearly laughed myself into orbit when I first read this blog. The media has a duty to inform, but it also takes on the task of entertaining. Bonnie's blogs are among the most entertaining articles in this particular media outlet. And trust me, in our home she gets just as good as she gives. Its all part of the fun. So I say, "Blog on, My Love!" For the rest of you, try to remember that its light hearted humor that's all in good fun.
Bonnie Daly July 12, 2012 at 04:58 pm
Thank you dear, sweet husband. ;)
Emily Kendall July 12, 2012 at 07:21 pm
How sweet!!!!!

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