Moms Talk: Punishment

Punishing a child for misbehavior is a delicate process. Too light a punishment won't discourage further acts, while too harsh a punishment can lead to anger and resentment. As a child grows, the effectiveness of different types of punishment also changes.

Today, our Moms Council weighs in on the types of punishment that are most and least effective. Join the conversation with your comments, and refresh the page to see the conversation unfold.

Here's a lighter look at a difficult topic from one council member, Shannon Brenek:

I’m what you might call an “interval discipliner." I take it easy till the kids really start going nutty and then I’m full steam ahead. I’m only partially joking. I’m a firm believer that kids really show you what YOU’RE doing wrong. Since I have an almost 4 year old and almost 7 year old, my expertise is contained to those ages. 

Up until about age 3, kids really don’t do anything wrong. Crazy as that sounds, I’m being honest. Well, at least, they really don’t mean to be naughty. Toddlers are all about learning through playing and experimenting and testing boundaries. And although they might do things that are, well, downright annoying, they really don’t mean to. They just don’t know any better yet. Redirection works really well at the early ages of 1, 2 and 3. So basically I never yelled for the first 3 years of my children’s lives. I did a lot of gritting my teeth instead. Discipline in ages 1-3 began with the concept of good and bad choices.

Around age 3, things change. Kids have been reminded about misbehaviors enough times that they know that what they are attempting is not acceptable. And that’s when I started introducing the idea that bad choices had bad results. This is the beginning of my fore-mentioned concept of knowing where you’re going wrong with your kids. Their misbehaviors in certain areas really do show you when you’re not “on top of it”. That’s when you realize that the way you’ve been handling a situation just isn’t working anymore. Age 3 was the introduction of my yelling voice. 

Bad choices result in time-outs in our house. A minute for every year of their age. I’m a big fan of discipline technique called 1,2,3 Magic. The general guidelines are that you should maintain calm and count your child’s misbehavior till they come to their senses and realize that they’ll be put in a “time out” if they don’t submit. I rarely have to get to 3 anymore. It could be because that system works, or it could be that around the 2-count, my hair starts to stand on end and my face turns purple. I have actually been called “The Hulk” by my eldest, referring to my demeanor during one disciplining interaction. OK, maybe I need to work on the “maintain calm” sometimes.

But when the sound of a whining voice really starts to grate your nerves, that’s when you just ignore your child when they are using “that voice”. When pestering for new toys becomes the norm, that’s when you stop buying toys for a while. And when the word “no” enters there vocabulary, maybe that calls for a “yes” day.